Interviewer: Hi Signore Mercutio, I would like to ask you some questions about your life in the last few weeks.
Mercutio: That's why we're here, my good angel. Angel, we both have nothing to lose, we're both dead, so ask anything you would like to ask.
Interviewer: Let's start off with your thoughts on Tybalt Capulet, your murderer.
Mercutio: He's a no-good Capulet pig. He was lucky to land that strike, I could beat him 99 times out of 100. This just happened to be the one time I didn't. He insults every Montague, even though they are much more than he is. I hope he rots in hell for what he has done.
Interviewer: I assume he is, I have not seen him here. Moving on to the next question, what do you think about Romeo's childish love for Rosaline?
Mercutio: It was truly childish and honestly, quite creepy. He used to sneak out at night just to look at her, he'd follow her around and he would not leave her alone. But, I have still have a grudge toward that blasted coward Romeo, so I wish not to speak any longer about his pathetic love life.
Interviewer: Have you thought over the incident when Romeo stepped in between the bout to stop it?
Mercutio: I have thought it over too many times. I would have won that fight as I said, but the idiot they call Romeo attempted to stop the battle, and the coward they call Tybalt stabbed me beneath his arm. That is the only way Tybalt could beat me, I would have ended his life the other 99 times, and we all know it.
Interviewer: Oh, we all do. How does the little romance between Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet play out in your mind?
Mercutio: They will both be put to death. Romeo for breaking his exile and Juliet for betraying her dirty family who will kill her when they find out she'd rather marry a Montague than Count Paris. I wouldn't waste my time watching this, there are too many girls in heaven for me to think about this.
Interviewer: Speaking of heaven, what's your favourite part?
Mercutio: I personally love the free laundry service, it is lovely. I also like the free chocolate on the pillow after housekeeping.
Interviewer: Thanks for your time Signore, it was great to hear your insights into Verona's recent events.
You're a very hateful and dark person. You might wanna get that checked out.
ReplyDeleteSorry that I killed you off :( It had to be done.
ReplyDeleteI understand that you must be feeling very bitter, but that is no reason to speak about me (or my husband and my cousin) the way you did. I'm sorry that you had to lose your life, but you're not the only one who suffered; many of us are still suffering.
ReplyDelete